I am 26 years old and prior to retiring from competitive swimming I estimate that I spent approximately 20,800 hours in the water… not including recreational swimming at other pools, beaches, lakes, rivers etc. My estimation of course, comes from careful mathematical calculations that I recorded since the age of 5.
That being said… you would think that somewhere along the way, I would have realized what a life changing experience I would go through once gracefully retiring from this wonderful pastime. Nope, nada, never even considered it… and of course, no one mentioned it either. Quite the opposite actually, I imagined a wonderful cushy existence…sleeping past 5 a.m. going out on a Friday night past 10, and having all this “extra” free time on my hands to “hang out” with my friends. And, I was right…rest assured, you will experience these spectacular nuances that you previously spent 20,800 hours missing out on.
However, there’s a catch…you will also experience self doubt… loss of identity… melting muscle… body dysmorphic disorder… withdrawal from always having a routine… an inability to separate physical activity from competition…that phase where you become a triathlete...that phase when you consider making your “comeback” …that phase when you realize you need to make some new friends because all your existing friends are at swim practice… the first time you put on a training suit after settling into your “swammer” body…throwing or giving away your old suits because you’ve finally come to the realization that you are not making a comeback…realizing that you don’t have to workout for 2.5 hours daily to avoid obesity… realizing that everyone else gained their freshman 15 as freshman, you are just a little late jumping on the bandwagon…
Then ……………… after all of this, experiencing all of these emotions continuously swirling around in your life for weeks, months, maybe even years… you finally begin to LOVE YOURSELF not the former swimmer or athlete or whatever other categories you had put yourself in, but YOU. You begin to realize that swimming is not who you are, but just a fairly significant part of your life that is becoming less and less central to your daily routine. You finally start to appreciate and utilize the many tools that competitive athletics has afforded you in other areas of your life…. discipline, time management, organization, your competitive spirit, your ability to set goals and make steps towards them, being able to write your own ‘dryland’ workouts, your knowledge about nutrition, that sweet paying summer job you got teaching swim lessons, the fact that you can still jump in the pool and swim a couple thousand (if you really wanted to)…
More importantly than that, you can finally start to appreciate this time period of your life without dwelling on how things have shifted now that you are not competing anymore. Finally… you begin to experience little snippets of wisdom and strength that you know are a result of the athlete within you, and this makes you smile, because instead of dwelling on all the things you are “not” because you’ve retired, you begin to bask in the person that you are, and the person that you are becoming in LIFE.
I was motivated to write this because I had a very tough time post retirement and I don’t know if it will make any difference, but I wish someone had glorified this transition just a little bit less. Huge life changes are never easy, but there is always growth to be gained from every experience…so, if nothing else, remember that. Wherever you are in the process, appreciate every single moment, because one day… you will be somewhere else along this journey, and, when you get there, you should appreciate that too.
That being said… you would think that somewhere along the way, I would have realized what a life changing experience I would go through once gracefully retiring from this wonderful pastime. Nope, nada, never even considered it… and of course, no one mentioned it either. Quite the opposite actually, I imagined a wonderful cushy existence…sleeping past 5 a.m. going out on a Friday night past 10, and having all this “extra” free time on my hands to “hang out” with my friends. And, I was right…rest assured, you will experience these spectacular nuances that you previously spent 20,800 hours missing out on.
However, there’s a catch…you will also experience self doubt… loss of identity… melting muscle… body dysmorphic disorder… withdrawal from always having a routine… an inability to separate physical activity from competition…that phase where you become a triathlete...that phase when you consider making your “comeback” …that phase when you realize you need to make some new friends because all your existing friends are at swim practice… the first time you put on a training suit after settling into your “swammer” body…throwing or giving away your old suits because you’ve finally come to the realization that you are not making a comeback…realizing that you don’t have to workout for 2.5 hours daily to avoid obesity… realizing that everyone else gained their freshman 15 as freshman, you are just a little late jumping on the bandwagon…
Then ……………… after all of this, experiencing all of these emotions continuously swirling around in your life for weeks, months, maybe even years… you finally begin to LOVE YOURSELF not the former swimmer or athlete or whatever other categories you had put yourself in, but YOU. You begin to realize that swimming is not who you are, but just a fairly significant part of your life that is becoming less and less central to your daily routine. You finally start to appreciate and utilize the many tools that competitive athletics has afforded you in other areas of your life…. discipline, time management, organization, your competitive spirit, your ability to set goals and make steps towards them, being able to write your own ‘dryland’ workouts, your knowledge about nutrition, that sweet paying summer job you got teaching swim lessons, the fact that you can still jump in the pool and swim a couple thousand (if you really wanted to)…
More importantly than that, you can finally start to appreciate this time period of your life without dwelling on how things have shifted now that you are not competing anymore. Finally… you begin to experience little snippets of wisdom and strength that you know are a result of the athlete within you, and this makes you smile, because instead of dwelling on all the things you are “not” because you’ve retired, you begin to bask in the person that you are, and the person that you are becoming in LIFE.
I was motivated to write this because I had a very tough time post retirement and I don’t know if it will make any difference, but I wish someone had glorified this transition just a little bit less. Huge life changes are never easy, but there is always growth to be gained from every experience…so, if nothing else, remember that. Wherever you are in the process, appreciate every single moment, because one day… you will be somewhere else along this journey, and, when you get there, you should appreciate that too.